Just close your eyes
by MoreOfALoner
Summary: There is one extraordinary relationship that I believe hasn"t been given the right amount of attention. Madi and Clarke. This mother daughter dynamic gets explored while other people witness it.
1. Chapter 1

"Noo.

NOOO. Get away from them. NOOO."

The scream that followed was heard all the way from the sleep unit to the dining room.

It was late for dinner but the usuals were there talking, arguing mostly, about everything and nothing.

Bellamy was sitting with his arm around Echo and she was resting her head on his shoulder. Raven was playing a game she had made up with Murphy and Emori with Zeke were commenting on it. Clarke and Jordan were sitting on the most distant table, whispering to each other, with the occasional smiles and smirks that were as rare on Clarke as they were usual on Jordan.

Jordan was saying something when Clarke gasped in surprise and spoke louder than she might intended.

"That is not true. Listen to me Jordan, I was the best at this I don't care what your mom told you."

Jordan was giggling at her reaction and everyone had turned their eyes to Clarke's table. She was actually blushing and smiling after, well after centuries.

That of course didn't last.

"And if someone is better, you'll just kill'em. Right?"

It was Murphy's poisonous comment.

Clarke's face fell and so did Jordan's, but she didn't answer.

She didn't even turn to look at Murphy. And before he had the time to proceed with another colorful comment, the screaming and yelling was heard that had Clarke jump on her feet and run towards the corridor that it was heard from.

Because Clarke would recognize that scream, she would know who that voice belonged to even if it was masked and muffled.

She had spent hours and hours listening to that voice, talking, shouting, singing, trying to learn English, mature over the years.

She would know the voice of her child anywhere.

Seconds later she was opening the door of the room she and Madi was sharing, terrified of what she might find and ready to fight everyone and anyone.

The twelve year old commander was kicking and punching in her sleep, she was sweating and flustered from her nightmare.

Clarke breathed, it was just a bad dream.

She had never seen Madi have a nightmare so bad, though. Courtesy of the chip in her neck.

She walked over to her bed and sat at Madi's sight.

She slowly called her name with the sweetest tone she could master and brushed her hair out of her sweaty forehead.

Clarke called on her daughter again, a little louder and this time she rested her hand on her cheek.

The girl seemed to relax a little but she was still fighting in her head.

Clarke whispered sweet little nothings towards her daughter, maybe she could just talk the nightmare away, maybe she didn't have to wake Madi up.

"My little natblida, I am here, you can rest now.

I will protect you, you will live a happy life, even if it's not normal as we had thought.

Relax now, let your guard now, I'll be by your side, and your mom will protect you too. Just like my daddy is protecting all of us."

There was a thud on the door and Madi sat up suddenly while putting an arm in front of Clarke to protect her.

Well there goes plan a.

Clarke turned her head and from the first time since she entered the room she noticed that everyone that was in the dining room plus her mom, Miller and Jackson were standing near the door not speaking, barely breathing and watching the scene in front of them.

The noise was caused by Jordan who in his effort to listen, he had stumbled his way to Bellamy, who was standing inside the room by Abby's side.

Madi had tears in her eyes when she dropped her hand and Clarke engulfed her in a hug.

Only the young commander's legs were now visible while she started fully crying in her mom's embrace and Clarke forgot everyone else.

«Hey, you're safe, you're okay. Breathe my love, it was just a dream. A nightmare it's gone now. »

«You were almost dead, you just lied there. »

Clarke took a little distance from the girl and brought both her little hands to her face.

«Look I'm here, I'm warm. » Madi buried her head on Clarke's embrace once again with one sudden move.

«I will do anything to keep you safe. » Madi mumbled loud enough for only Clarke to hear.

The blond chuckled dryly, her daughter was a Griffin through and through.

«You don't have to, my little heda, remember I am the Wanheda I say how long I stay alive. »

At the mention of Wanheda Echo seemed to jerk up and realize that maybe they all shouldn't be here at a personal situation like this.

She silently urged the others to leave with her.

After a moment only Abby, Bellamy and Murphy were standing in the door.

«You promise you'll be right here? »

Madi asked as she pulled her head further away in order to see Clarke's eyes.

Clarke smiled, she dried if her daughter's cheeks that were wet from tears with her fingers and placed a firm kiss to her forehead.

«I promise you I will live more than I'm supposed to. I will fight with all my power to stay with you.

If I have only one last breath I will hold it until I know you'll be okay. »

Clarke was crying too now. Bellamy looked over at Abby who was tearing up as well, taking his eyes away from the mother and the daughter duo for the first time since they had ran in.

He knew they should just walk away, but he couldn't stop looking at them.

He felt the need to go over there and protect them and at the same time he felt the guilt consuming him.

He was the reason they were at this situation. He was the one who gave this little innocent girl the nightmares. He had put the damn chip inside her head.

Murphy was the one who guided both of the others outside.

As soon as they were far enough Abby kneeled down and cried.

Bellamy kneeled opposite of her and asked her if she was okay, as Murphy walked away.

"She is a mother, now. My baby girl is a mother, and a very good one. And I wasn't there to see it. She is far better than me, so I can't even help now.

Those damn years, ruined all of our relationships." She dried her tears and started to wake up when Bellamy touched her arm.

"It's not too late, to be a part of her life. She needs you, she has a pretty stubborn kid, and I am sure she was one too. She will need you to tell her she is doing okay. Abby, she will need you for support. And even if she doesn't need you, she will come to you because she just loves you."

Abby cracked a smile and finally stood up at the same time as Bellamy did.

"Thank you, Bellamy. "

Bellamy was startled. He couldn't remember the last time Abby had called him by his name. Usually she just called him 'you' or talked to him without addressing him.

Abby was gone when Murphy talked from the shadows. It turns out he didn't leave.

"You seem a bit shaken up too. "

"Shut up Murphy."

"What we saw doesn't erase what she did."

"Don't you start with me, Murphy."

«Why, you still ignoring what happened? Pretend everything is okay?»

«No, because I am the reason this kid inside there is having nightmares.

I am the reason a little girl is getting mentally tortured every night.»

«You knew that would happen.»

«I was just trying to save… everyone.»

«No, you were trying to save Clarke. Again. But that's beside the point. It's been 125 years and you and her haven't fully talked yet.

If you want to feel better Bellamy, talk to her.»

Bellamy didn't respond.

Inside the room, Clarke and Madi had laid down on the bed and were snuggling with Clarke having her arm around Madi and Madi resting have of her body on Clarke's.

«I'm sorry I scared you.»

»Nonsense you actually saved me from another confrontation with Murphy.»

«He stayed longer than the others. They're going to think i am weak.»

«I didn't like that they were just staring either, but i am sure they're not going to think you're weak.

You're too badass to be weak.»

«They may not think that anymore.»

«Madi, I assure you, every single one of these people have had nightmares like yours. I've actually been present for a couple of theirs.»

You're not weak, you're anything but weak. Other people would have lost it after seeing everyone they had known dead. You, you are perfect.» Madi smiled in Clarke's chest, while a tear left her eye.

"You're just saying that because you're my… because you love me.» Clarke ignored Madi's hesitation to finish her first sentence.

"You have no idea how much I love you. But that's not it. You are intelligent, talented, quick on your feet, funny, the right amount of sarcastic, and the right amount of serious. And you're barely a teenager. Imagine what we'll happen later.

You're perfect.»

«Then you're perfect too."

Clarke snorted.

"Not one person would agree with you."

"Well, you are the one who taught me everything I know. I am just like you. So if I am perfect, you are perfect."

Clarke didn't argue. "Okay, Madi."

They lay there for a few moments.

"Wanna tell me what you saw?" Madi held Clarke a little tighter but she started telling her what had happened in her nightmare.

When Murphy entered his room after a few hours, Emori was there lying on the floor and looking at the ceiling.

"You're back." she just said and sat up.

"Yeah, I needed some time.

Which isn't logical. I just saw Clarke helping her daughter out of a nightmare, it's not like learning I slept for 125 years. It's significantly easier to get in my head. So I've been walking around thinking why I have to think about it. And I got nothing.

So why do you think I need to process this so much?"

Murphy took at the floor near his girlfriend and lied just like she did a few seconds ago. She followed him down and looked at the ceiling once again.

"Yeah, everyone's thinking the exact same thing."

"Well, did someone find a conclusion?"

"Raven says, that we already knew Clarke loved Madi, but this is the first time we have actually seen how much Madi needs Clarke too.

Miller pointed out that Clarke was a closed off person usually who didn't let anyone see how much she cares. And we suddenly, after all the things she just whispered we saw just how much she loves her, and how much Madi depends on her. And Madi although pretty young, she is pretty closed off too, it's kind of a big deal."

Murphy thought about all the new information and then asked.

"What did Echo say?"

"Echo was the only one who didn't have anything to say. And when Shaw asked her she just said, she knew Clarke loved Madi, and that Madi loved Clarke, so that was no news to her."

They stayed silent for a while.

"Who knew Wanheda could still show affection?"

John made a rhetorical question.

"I still can't forgive her." Emori pointed out.

The pair looked at the ceiling for a while longer with their hand interlocked between them when John finally asked.

"What are we doing on the floor again?"

And they both chuckled.


	2. Chapter 2 - the table

**You guys,**

**thank you for your kind reviews.**

**I'm glad I am not the only one who would like to see more of our Griffin girls.**

* * *

The next morning Clarke opened her eyes and tried to figure out what was wrong.

When her senses all came back she realized half of her body was numb.

She looked over and saw Madi sleeping with her head on her upper chest and her leg hanging on top of Clarke's.

It had been a long time since Madi had slept with her.

The whole last year they were on the earth she kept telling her she wasn't a baby anymore and she didn't need cuddles.

She smiled and nuzzled towards her daughter, ignoring that she couldn't feel her left leg, or ribs.

The whole skaikru was on the dining room with the addition of Diyoza, Gaia and Niylah, although they weren't eating breakfast.

They had reduced their portions to one per day just to be sure they wouldn't starve before they went down on the new planet.

The people that had witnessed yesterday's event all seemed restless.

Especially Bellamy.

But when Clarke entered the room no one spoke.

She, of course, didn't sit with them.

She had made that mistake the first day when she had joined them and immediately turned to their mental punching bag.

So from that point on she had selected the most distant table and she always sat there. After only a few days she was considering it her own, and it seemed like the rest of the people thought the same, since no one was ever occupying it, except for Jordan, Madi and Abby.

But she didn't went there either. She made her way towards Gaia.

"Hi."

"Good morning." Gaia returned a little confused and curious. Clarke wasn't too keen on pleasantries with her ever in the past, she needed something.

"Could we talk?"

"Of course."

They walked to her table, the most private one and stood down on opposite ends.

"I'd like a favor from you." Clarke cut to the chase. Gaia waited for her to continue.

"I'd like you to teach me everything you know about handling the flame."

Gaia got serious.

"Wanheda, what you're asking…" she was interrupted.

"Madi had a nightmare last night. One worse than I have ever had, and I have killed more or less a thousand people and saw almost everyone I love, die.

She's twelve, and she needs help."

"I can help her."

"You're not doing it though."

"Wanhed..."

"My name is Clarke." she interrupted again. Gaia nodded

"Clarke, this is unfortunately part of the process. The commander is strong."

"I know she is strong but she is hurting. You said you can help her. How?"

Gaia thought for a little "The commanders they will show her everything she needs to know including how to control her nightmares. "

Clarke wasn't satisfied.

"They didn't show Lexa, though. I was there when she was having a nightmare."

"She must had been ignoring them."

"Are you telling me, some dead people might be pounding in my daughter's head if she doesn't do as they say?"

"Clarke, it's not that simple. The commanders they're Madi's personal council. She can go to them and they will come to her. Madi is going to need them and when she thinks she doesn't they will still advise her. She has the upper hand, but they can try at all times to bring them to their side"

"Gaia, will she be able to control them?"

"Not entirely, but as better as she cooperates with them, they won't need to invade her privacy."

Clarke tried very hard not to scream, she instead sighed.

"Will you be able to help her?"

"Yes."

"When?"

"Whenever she wants."

" How about now?"

"Wan…" Gaia caught herself before calling Clarke Wanheda again ",Clarke she hasn't asked for help."

"She is my daughter, of course she hasn't asked for help. She is stubborn.

So here's what I am asking; If you don't teach me, will you be there for her, help her when I can't ?"

Gaia didn't answer she just nodded, looking at Clarke knowingly and sincerely and left the room.

Later that afternoon, when once again Clarke was sitting alone on her table with her sketchbook on her knee, Madi approached her.

"Hello." Clarke greeted when Madi just stood there with her arms crossed.

"So I had an interesting morning." The girl finally said and sat down on Clarke's opposite side.

Clarke stopped drawing for a moment and then continued with a little smirk on her face.

"Oh yeah? What'd you do?"

Madi huffed. Of course she wouldn't admit it.

"Oh you know had just got out of bed after a nightmare kept me up most of the night…"

"Yes, I was present."

The blond replied with all the naivety she could, like it was no big deal.

Clarke heard a something falling from the other end of the room. Both women turned and show Miller and Bellamy looking anywhere but at them. Miller was a little red at the face and was picking up the little knife he had dropped.

Madi huffed again.

"I know. And then Gaia knocked at my door."

"What a nice surprise!" Clarke told her with fake excitement.

A muffled snort was heard and this time Clarke noticed the dining room had become a lot quieter than before.

Shaw had joined the two guys and Jackson had just stood up from where he was sitting with a few skaipeople she just barely recalled their names from before praimfaya.

Jackson had turned his face but his shoulders were going up and down.

'Come on guys it's not even that funny' Clarke thought but chose to ignore them after that.

"You're surprised Clarke?" Madi asked, her tone full of sarcasm.

"Were you expecting her?"

Clarke resumed the charade.

"No."

"Well, that seems like a surprise to me." Clarke replied like she didn't understand.

Miller banged his head on the metal table and silently burst into laughter, Bellamy was very amused himself. It was truly a rare situation Clarke Griffin was being silly.

"Real subtle, boys." she commented towards them, and they didn't even try to hide their reaction.

"You too, Clarke. Sending Gaia to help me hours after the nightmare." Madi added.

Clarke got serious.

"Did she help?"

Madi sat down and exhaled.

"Clarke..."

"No, I know, I'm supposed to be cool with all of this. And I trust you, more than myself even. But I wanna make this easier for you. I wanna help, and if that means I'mma sit back here and just wait for you and Gaia to figure this out. I will..."

"Clarke, thank you."

Clarke lost track of her words.

"What?"

"Gaia, did help. She explained a few things for me. Even helped me communicate with the commanders."

Clarke smiled.

"She did?"

"Yes, and she will continue helping me. We will meet regularly and work on my connection with them."

"I am very happy for you, Madi."

"She also told me you said I was too stubborn."

"The snitch." Clarke lightened the mood again.

"Don't call her that." Madi said but she was smiling.

"Okay. You are though, you know stubborn."

Madi made a sound that clearly said 'unbelievable'

"You're calling me stubborn. You? The woman who spoke to a damn radio for six years, believing it worked without any proof."

Clarke stiffed a little. Nobody knew about the radio calls, or at least that she knew of, and it seemed like everyone was currently listening.

Madi noticed and breathed a quick 'sorry'.

Clarke looked around and nobody seemed to notice. Jackson had left with Miller, and Shaw was currently talking Bellamy's ears out about Raven.

They spent quite some time just sitting there. Raven and Echo had joined Shaw and Bellamy at some point and they were chatting while Madi was eating and Clarke was just sitting there sometimes drawing for a few minutes then just sitting again.

"Clarke?" Madi asked when she returned from leaving her plate.

"Yes." Clarke looked at her daughter.

"Remember, back home, when we had classes?"

Clarke smiled.

"I remember you hated them."

Madi blushed.

"Well, I was thinking you could continue teaching me to draw."

"Yeah?"

"Yes, I thought if I ever saw anything useful in those nightmares I could draw it so you could see it too."

"Okay," the blonde paused "IF,"

"Oh here we go." Madi sighed,

"If you make the beds for a week."

"Done."

"Aaand you tell me what you are doing with Gaia."

"Woah."

Madi got serious.

"Clarke, this is something that doesn't concern a skaiperson like yourself."

"Madi Griffin I swear to..." Clarke used her most mom like tone in a mix with her more threatening one.

"I'm kidding, I'm kidding. Relax".

Madi giggled with her arms on the air.

It had been a long time since Clarke had heard her daughter laugh like that.

She surely enjoyed it.

"So will you show me how to draw?" Madi asked again once she stopped giggling.

"Will you keep me in the loop about your other lessons, your highness?" Clarke asked her back.

"Aren't they very chipper considering last night?"

Raven asked the group around her.

"They have been like this for a while now."

Shaw commented.

"I just hope they're not burying it." Raven said.

"They don't have to bury it. Yesterday was hard but they dealt with it at that moment, and now they have already overcame it."

Raven didn't know what to say.

"Isn't Madi too happy though? It seemed like a horrible dream I wouldn't handle it that well."

"Why do you think Clarke has been like this today?" Bellamy commented for the first time.

"First she helped Madi by sending Gaia to her, and when Madi feels better, she makes all the jokes she can, so the girl gets distracted.

She would dress as a clown right now if she thought that would help."

Echo looked at Bellamy like she was looking for something. He felt her stare and turnt to her.

She smiled and so did he.

But she wasn't sure if she found what she was looking for. Or what was it that she was looking for.

"I'm surprised you care though, Raven." Bellamy addressed the mechanic again.

"You have pretty much shouted again and again that you don't care about Clarke."

Raven flinched for a second, like she was just busted.

"I care about Madi, though. And I was worried about her relationship with Clarke before.

I still am, actually."

Bellamy caught a glimpse of Abby walking outside of the dining room, as Raven finished talking.

He stood up and before he left he came closer to Raven.

"Don't try and come between them, Reyes. It won't end up good for you."

And he was gone after Abby. He called her name and ran towards her.

She turned and looked at him, a little surprised.

"Bellamy."

"Hi, umm, I, I just wanted to see if you were okay. After last night."

Abby's face darkened a little.

"Yes, thank you for that."

They stood there, quite awkwardly, when Bellamy talked again.

"Look, I don't know what happened at the bunker those six years, but I feel the same way you do about Clarke, about Octavia.

From what I gathered you feel like you lost your connection with your daughter, and I feel like I have lost my sister. Whatever made her Octavia isn't there anymore."

"Bellamy, I could tell you exactly what happened. But maybe it would help more if you actually talked with Octavia about this. Tell her what you did, up there for six years, ask her about the bunker, and don't judge her."

She sighed

"I meant it when I said those six years didn't treat us well. But down there Octavia took Clarke's motto without knowing it. She bore it all, so we didn't have too. Only, her burden, I'm not sure you AND Clarke could handle."

"Thank you." Bellamy had a lot of things to think. But before they had parted Bellamy called her again.

"If you need a new connection with Clarke, maybe talk to Madi a little more." Abby smiled. How hadn't she thought about that?

"And maybe you should sit down and talk with her." Abby meant well, Βellamy knew it but it hit a nerve.

Abby was gone and he was left alone in the empty corridor.

She was the second person in two days to tell him to talk to Clarke.

There was nothing left to discuss.

* * *

**In last news BOB AND ELIZA ARE HUSBAND AND WIFE.**

**EACH OTHER'S husband and wife.**

**i am very emotional about this and I decided to upload a little sooner than planned.**

**So any mistakes there are, blame it on the Morleys...**

**i hope you enjoy,**

**-Maria**


	3. Chapter 3 - lost without home

**Hi guys! **

**i'm not even sure we have talked since **

**Eliza Taylor and Bob Morley announced their marriage.**

**I am insanefully happy for them and I hope they have a wonderful anf full shared life.**

**so, now for the story, **

**this is kind of IMPORTANT, I feel i haven't stressed it enough,**

**This is something between a one-shot and a multichapter.**

**the chapters will have some light connection but won't always be on a chronological order.**

**ANYWAY , that was it. **

**now to the story...**

* * *

The next two days passed far faster than any of them had wanted. They had talked about what they would do and planned their way to the safest option.

They couldn't send a message to alert anyone who was down there. Or rather no one seemed to be receiving their message.

So they would have to send an exploratory team down there.

Clarke was part of it. Madi wasn't.

Needless to say she wasn't very happy about it.

Neither was Raven when she learnt she was staying as well.

Clarke, Bellamy, Murphy, Miller, Jackson, Echo, Emori and Shaw were going.

Clarke wasn't even sure why she was needed. For some reason she was part of the team. She hadn't volunteered, though. She wasn't needed as a medic, since Jackson would be there, nor as a leader since they didn't trust her.

They all just assumed that she was going and when Bellamy announced she was going she just never spoke up.

So the rest of the time, they were gathering supplies, making sure the radios worked this time and saying their goodbyes.

By nightfall all the people that were okay were gathered at the dining room once again.

This time they were replaying their plan again and again. Bellamy was the one in charge, he explained everything with the added task of sending glares to his sister the whole time.

Clarke noticed he wasn't the only one. Some of the other skaikru kept glancing at Octavia waiting for her to snap, or just watching her like they were ready to attack her.

Clarke was still hesitant about the decision to wake Octavia up so soon. But Madi was very determined.

"As long as everyone sees that Blodreina is by my side, fighting for me, they will understand not to go searching for revenge." The commander had told Clarke in front of the others.

"We both know, I can't do that to the girl I have grown up admiring. I know she is not Skairipa anymore, but she will not be blodreina for long either. I think I can help her find who she is now, and I think we will need the new Octavia."

Madi had told Clarke at the privacy of their room. And their conversation went way further than just that.

"I'm so proud of you Madi. You are such a strong and wise leader. It took you five minutes, to figure out what to do about something that Bellamy and I would have been processing the whole night."

"Well, I do have twelve people guiding me."

"I'm pretty sure, the people inside there," she touched Madi's head with her index finger "are telling you to kill her. So don't try this with me, your highness."

"So what exactly are you gonna do with Octavia when we leave?"

"I'm going to offer her a place near me. She won't be second in command, but she will have to keep me safe, and give me advice. I think she will take it."

"I think so too." Clarke was very skeptical. "Madi, listen. I'm going to tell you a little more about Octavia that I might never mentioned to you."

"Why?"

"Well, she was your favorite but she has her flaws as everyone else, and she has made mistakes, but most of all, Octavia has been wounded more than anyone else, and I thought you were too young to be burdened with all of that. But now, you kinda have no choice, and I don't either, so here it goes."

Clarke took a deep breath.

"Octavia, as you know, had been hiding from everyone for 15 years. That means that she only knew two people in her life, her mother and Bellamy. That also means she hadn't had any social skills.

Now, by the time I met her, she was acting like she hadn't spent her life hidden, and if you didn't know her backstory you couldn't guess it. But she never felt like she belonged with the ark. That's why she figured she would become trikru.

But you can't just change that part of you that easily. I tried it too, acting like a grounder, feeling like one too, my skaikru quirks and experiences were really hard to go away. Hers, too.

The first time she felt like she belonged somewhere was when she met Lincoln, she thought she and him belonged together. I did, too. I still do.

Octavia found her home in Lincoln. She could have the best of both worlds and still be herself and he loved her for that. She felt safe to show him how strong she really is.

And then she showed the whole world.

Do you remember those trees back home, the ones that grow together, they twist and turn their trunks so much so that they seem like one?" Madi nodded

"That's Octavia and Lincoln. They were steady and strong, so strong, I actually wished I could be like them someday with someone, no wind, or rain, or even a hurricane could touch them.

But when you take one trunk away from the other…

"They can't take the weight alone."

"Exactly. Normally, Octavia would have Bellamy to help her pick up her pieces, until she was strong again. But she pushed him away, she was blaming him. She relied on revenge, and it almost broke her.

Octavia was broken for quite some time until she found a new home. Worse than her first one, but home nonetheless.

She wasn't Skaikru, she wasn't Trikru, she was Wonkru. So she took care of them, every single one of them was important to her. And she kept watching someone important for her being slaughtered every day.

Her own home kept hurting her, but she couldn't let go. That's why she did what she did. To protect her home. She couldn't save Lincoln, the first person who felt like home, so she had to save the second one, Wonkru, even if that meant killing with no mercy, or being someone she doesn't recognize."

Madi thought a little about it.  
"Is that what happened to you?"

"Not exactly. My first home was my dad and mom. But Ark felt like home too, and so did the dropship and Arkadia. And of course the valley. Yes, people died, people I loved and people I trusted, but I never felt like I was losing the earth under my feet. I hurt, very much, more than anyone should, but I knew I had to kept fighting for my people, my friends, my mom, my…."

"I know. But I was mostly talking about now. Did you feel like you know who was the home? Like if he wasn't here for you, I was everything that you had left."

Clarke's eyes, were tearful. Her breath quickened. The reality of Madi's words crashing her.

"Yes." She managed to get out. Madi put her arms around her mother, and she made her hold as tight as she could, Clarke was crying as silently as she could.

"I've lost everything but you." Clarke muttered between sobs. She had to get herself together. Her kid shouldn't see her so broken, she was supposed to be Madi's rock, not the other way around.

She stepped out of her arms and wiped the tears, she cleared her voice and talked again.

"Octavia, had it worse than me. Lincoln will never be back, and Wonkru is now destroyed."  
"I took the flame." Madi simply countered.  
"Well, you're still you, just a bit more…crowded in the head."  
Madi cracked a smile.

"You haven't lost you know who, you know." Madi declared.  
"You can say his name Madi, it won't hurt me." Clarke rolled her eyes like she was the teenager.

"Bellamy, is here and he cares for you, very much so. Maybe as much as you do for him."

"Bellamy is practically a stranger now, Mad. He acts different, thinks different, he even looks different."

"And he still loves you." Madi rushed to say.

"Madi…" she warned her daughter.

"No, don't deny it. I'm done with that.

I have spent years and years listening to you talk about him or to him. You were describing him with such passion and warmth inside you, your eyes glistened every single time you mentioned him, and even when I was six I knew.

I knew you felt about him the same way my mother told me she felt about my dad. I kept thinking he would come back here and he would swoop you of your feet and us three we would live together for the rest of the days.

As I got older I understood that it wouldn't happen, but I still thought you and him would be together, because if you talk about someone like that, the other person ought to feel something.

And it seems like he moved on, but I saw the way he was looking at you as much as I could."

"Madi, he cares about me, that doesn't mean anything."

"He forgave you." Madi gave her another point to counter.

"That's kind of our thing. We forgive each other. Even if the other person won't need the other's forgiveness, we do it anyway. But he doesn't love me.

And I don't think I can stop.

So I won't get to know him again. I won't cause myself so much pain."

"Clarke, don't be a coward." Madi was so done with her adoptive mother.

"I don't have a choice, Madi. I'm sorry we've disappointed.

And I want you to believe that love exists out there, it happened to your parents, it happened with Lincoln and Octavia and even Bellamy and Echo. It will find you one day. And It will treat you better than it did me."

Madi actually growled.

"Clarke, don't give up."

She stood up from the bed and started pacing.

"You're Clarke freaking Griffin, you don't give up. You fight until you make it."

"When have I made it, though? I broke Raven and Finn up, caused Lexa's death, killed so many people in my effort to save them. I am the main reason earth is dead. Maybe he was right…" she whispered part to herself.

"Clarke.." Madi tried again.  
"No, Madi. I can't hear anymore. The point of this conversation was that if you want Octavia to start being Octavia again, make her feel like she belongs with all of us. And for the analogy's shake be her crunch if she needs it. She needs to figure out how to stand without Lincoln, and after 130 years, she still hasn't done that. "

"Now, how about we end this talk here?" Clarke stood up and made her way to the door.

"Where are you going?"

"I'm going to take a walk."

"Clarke…"

Clarke turned to look at Madi who was looking at her with such a clear view of what she wanted to say.

"Yeah, Madi, I know. I love you too."

Clarke closed the door and wiped one last tear from her eye. When she looked up at the end of the corridor she watched Murphy watching her.

He didn't say anything, just looked at her knowingly and walked away.

John was sent, much in his dismay, to fetch the commander. And he was going to knock on her door, he really was, but then he had heard Clarke speaking.

_"…__I thought you were too young to be burdened with all of that. But now, you kinda have no choice, and I don't either, so here it goes." _

Murphy was curious.

He wanted what was it that Clarke didn't want to share with Madi because she was too young.

Was she going to describe how she was the reason so many of them were dead?

Was she gonna confess she was the bad guy?

A part of him wanted that to be the reason very badly, but another part of him kept shouting at him to look at himself and stop judging the others.

So he heard… everything.

In Clarke's little speech he found himself already forgiving the girl he had once called psycho, because he felt the same way.

His first home was Emori, and then spacekru. If something had happened to Emori…

He didn't even wanna think what he was gonna be like.

As for the other thing…

John had always had his suspicions for Clarke.

He was certain for Bellamy. That dummy was in love with her even back when he was swearing to kill her if he couldn't take her wristband.

But Clarke considered him home.

And Bellamy…

It took Bellamy three years to start not adding her to the people he considered home. And Murphy wasn't even sure if his friend had completely got over the princess.

Because Madi was right, he was still looking at her with the same look in his eyes.

John stepped away from the door, once he felt like he had heard too much to think about later in the day. He stepped away just in time not to come face to face with Clarke.

Was he a monster for listening in to this whole conversation? probably.

Did he care? Definitely no.

Was he gonna pay closer attention to Bellamy and Clarke? Absolutely.

Now, the big question he couldn't find an answer too, was one,

Was he gonna back up Bellamy and echo's relationship, or was he gonna sit back and see how things would unfold between the three of them?

* * *

**That was it folks,**

**I hope you're enjoying it, **

**and season 6 (it's amazing so far isn't it?!)**

**Let me know what you think**


	4. Chapter 4 - Equanimity and radio calls

**Here goes chapter 4! **

**i'm very happy and excited that you guys like this story, and I am loving your suggestions keep leaving them please.**

**with no durther ado.**

The time that Clarke and Madi would once again be apart had arrived and Madi was being more and more restless. Everyone was ready, the supplies were packed in the dropship and Raven was making the last checks she could in order to avoid saying goodbye to Zeke.

Yes, after 125 years Raven still sucked at goodbyes.

Echo, Emori, John and Bellamy were quickly saying goodbye to everyone around and making sure they got everything.

Clarke was talking to Madi about everything.

"So, you talked to Gaia, right? You'll be staying with her for now. So she can help you if you have any nightmares?"

"Yes, Clarke. We already talked about it. And you will check in with my mom every day?"  
"Yes."  
"And don't make any rush decisions, use all the time you have before making any decisions. Okay?"

"It's funny I used to tell you the same thing about your tests. Remember?" Abby approached the two girls.

Madi cracked a smile, and Clarke rolled her eyes in the sweetest way possible.

"Mom. This is a little more important than middle school tests." Clarke elaborated.

"Yet you still use your mom's advice." Abby commented and Madi's smile widened.

Abby looked Clarke up and down.

"Did you take your flask?"

"Yes, mom."

"The rations are on board, we have very limited torches but you must got one. You have it?"  
"Yes, it's in my backpack."

"Good, I know you know what you're doing, and I am not going to give you advice that you won't listen this time. So…" Abby brushed her daughter's hair with both her hands and rested them at Clarke's cheeks.

"Whatever you do, make sure you always make the safest and most effective choices."

Clarke held to her mother's touch.

"Thanks, mom. I know Kane will be okay, you'll make sure of that. So I will see you again down in our new home."  
Clarke smiled at both her family members.

"Take care of one another. I love you both." She kissed her mother first and then she knelt down and kissed Madi. Madi engulfed her.

"I changed my mind, I don't want you to go."

"Madi."

"No. you should be with me. We are a good team when we are together. I need your equanimity. I am going to come with you."

"Madi..."  
"No, Clarke. You had promised, you promised you'll always be there."  
Clarke then understood under how much stress Madi was under the past two days.

This explosion of emotions, it wasn't spontaneous. Madi was afraid. And people around started to notice.

"Madi, to this day I've only broken a promise I've made, and that was because the stupid universe was working against my promise. This time, this time even if the two suns fall in my head I won't let them break my promises to you. Alright natblida?"

"Yes. But if we're together…"  
"Right now your people need us to be separated. You need to be here, to take charge, and let us make sure our new home is welcoming."

"If something happens to you…"  
"Nothing is happening to me."

"Nothing is happening to her."

Bellamy and Clarke said at the same time. Clarke turned behind her back to find him there.

"Madi, I promise you I'm going to make sure she is safe."

"No offense, Bellamy, but you made the same promise to Clarke and you broke it like five minutes later."

Bellamy bit his lip and was ready to answer when Clarke got Madi's attention back to her and completely ignored him.

"Madi. Everything I've been through was so I could make it to our valley. I've lived through a week without water, twice as much without food. I've been captured and almost beaten to death more than once, I've managed to survive your bear trap, I am certain our story is far from over.

And I need you to believe that. I need you to believe that I am going to do anything and everything I have to make sure that I will come back. Besides I'm not alone here, Bellamy is right."

"I believe in you."

"Thank you."

" But what about me?"

"You are more than fine on your own. We made sure of it all these years right?"

Madi nodded.

"But you don't have to be. You aren't on your own. You have Abby and Gaia. You can always go to my mom and Gaia, that's why you're staying with her. There won't be any crisis but even if there is, you have the most cunning women by your side, Diyoza and Octavia will assist, because otherwise they're dead. You have Jordan too, you can get to know him and then tell me all about him.

He can be the first person that you get to know before me."

Madi was intrigued by the last statement.

Madi nodded.  
"Also, your highness. You can't allow or forbid me anything."

"I don't care if you become the commander of the galaxy you and I will be equals okay?"

"Now, how about we stopped being this ship's drama source and you just kiss me goodbye?"

Madi agreed and did as she was suggested.

"You call me every day though right?"

"You want the intros too, your highness?"

They both chuckled at their inside joke and finally they broke up their moment.

and with that Clarke entered the ship and she left her daughter behind.

* * *

_"Madi."_

The sound of Clarke's voice was heard through the speakers of the control room.

It was the same day that they had send the exploratory team down on planet alpha. Correction moon alpha, Jordan had figured that one out alone and he was very proud of himself. They had spent hours waiting for news and it was considered night for them now.

Raven was the only one inside the control room, she was actually the last one there, she had send everyone to sleep, since they were no news yet and she promised that she would notify everyone if there were news.

Minutes after they left, the red button started beeping and after she hit the right buttons Clarke's voice flooded the control room. And here she was, playing it without anyone else.

_"It's been one day since I last saw you. I thought, you might like the intro after all. I know you are sappy like that, and maybe at my old age I am too. We are alive, and on the ground, once again."_

Raven exhaled out in relief.

_ I can't describe to you how much of a déjà vu I'm having. In so many ways it's exactly like the first time. Remember how I told you Octavia had decided to run towards the lake although we didn't know how to swim? Well, I relived that one with Murphy, thankfully there was no snake this time. But I kept my eye out for some big rocks anyway._

_So far the air is breathable, I am great and so are the non-nightbloods. That's good because I was very worried about how your people would react to this huge blasphemy. _

_Thankfully we won't have to find out."_

There was a pause, Clarke thinking about what to say, Raven figured.

_"So far the trees are new but not very impressive, it feels like we just moved continents not planets. We've found water too._

_It's actually a little sweeter than our own, I'm guessing the pH is higher than the one in our water. I'm not too worried about health consequences though. I'm more worried about the tan we will all have after living here for a few months. Thankfully the suns don't circulate at opposite directions._

_Madi, I know we've put a stop to our classes due to obvious reasons but I will be expecting you to know what I am talking about." She chuckled. _

_"Alright, I'll stop being the strict teacher now. _

_Madi I'm tired of speaking a monologue. I would pretty much rather speak_ to you."

Raven felt like she was caught red handed. This was basically a message for Madi, a private one, and yet she was listening.

She knew she was recording it, and she knew the radio was meant for the team to communicate, to share information, but that was clearly something private.

«Fine, I'll just go on.

Today is the first time since everything happened that I missed my art supplies.

This place is impressive, so beautiful.

You'll see it too. By now I think it's the red sun that changes the colors around us. Everything is a little more orange.

I think you'll love it. It's a bit more romantic, than usual. I figured a soul like yours will appreciate it."

There was a sound that reminded Raven of a chuckle. How long has it been since she heard Clarke laugh?

"Anyway, the long nap has left a feeling of cold in me. The weather is nice and warm and all and after all that walking I should be sweating and hot, but although there is sweat I can still feel the cold on my fingertips, like a chilling sensation.

I'm not sure how else to describe it. Do you feel it too?"

Raven did actually. She had felt it, walking around and shivering from the chill when she moved too suddenly.

She almost did the mistake and pushed the Button to talk, only moments before she caught herself.

«I think it'll pass, it's probably because we spend the last 125 years without sun.

Well, now we have to.

I think I'm going to go now.

Please radio when you get the recording.

Stay safe, sweet dreams, my natblida.»

Raven breathed as the radio call ended. She tried to think when she had last heard that tone from Clarke.

Even her voice sounded different when talking to Madi.

And then she remembered.

Back on the dropship.

When Clarke was more than a leader, when she was the mom of the group.

It turns out she was as genuine as it got.

She really loved them.

And look at what happened to them.

Most of them were dead.

Raven didn't want that for Madi.

She wouldn't let Clarke be the cause of death for one innocent person.

"You're okay." Clarke muttered while looking at the sky. She was disappointed she didn't to speak to someone on the radio. If only to make sure they listened.

The logical part of herself was telling her that they had indeed listened to, that the radio calls were recorded, that everyone was safe.

But she worried either way.

That's what happens when you're a mother, her brain told her.

Actually that's what's like when you love someone.

"They didn't answer?"

Clarke turned to look towards the voice she knew as fast as she humanly could.

"No."

She simply replied. Under different circumstances she would say more. But this was the new normal.

"Don't worry about it. they will communicate once they get it."

"Yes." She agreed, "Bellamy, what are you doing here?"  
"They sent me to explore a new planet." Bellamy smirked.  
"Funny guy." She said sarcastically, she had a small smile formed on her face though, and Bellamy took the win.

"Why aren't you with the others?" she rephrased the question.

"I came to save you from that radio. It must be excruciating speaking without knowing if someone listens."

Her eyes got a little darker, Bellamy noticed, so he bumped his shoulder into hers.

"How long till we get into trouble, you think?"

She smirked.

"I'm surprised we haven't found any yet."

They both chuckled, lazily, in comfort. Nothing more than two old partners laughing their fears and demons away.

They stayed in silence, Clarke shifted a little and now they were touching all the way from the shoulders to their hands.

"Will you stay a little longer? We don't have to talk." She whispered.

"I'm not going anywhere"

He whispered back.

And they both took a deep breath.

* * *

**I am really not good with ending chapters, but i'm doing the best I can. **

**i hope you enjoyed it, **

**Let me know what you think. **

**see you next time :)**


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